You’re just not that into each other…

Dating can be a bitch, take it from someone who does it a lot. After the first and possibly every subsequent date there after is over you try to sort out how you feel about the guy as well as try to gauge how he feels about you. You don’t want to be too exuberant nor too apathetic if you are interested in pursuing him further. Nevertheless, those that don’t turn into relationships eventually end some way or another. Here’s a quick guide of how you can tell that it’s over before it began, and how you can let him know too.

He doesn’t call or text at all. You may have had a nice time, but it wasn’t enough for him to want to work you into his calendar again. Like going on an interview, he’s looking for the right man for the job—and you just didn’t meet his basic requirements. Don’t worry, if you don’t click at first it’s not worth trying to force a connection.

He cancels the next date and doesn’t reschedule. Maybe he’s sick, has a last minute meeting, birthday, or work trip, but if he doesn’t offer to pick a new day for the next date, he’s not interested, and you shouldn’t be either.

He only wants to see you on the same days and infrequently. You happen to live near his Tuesday night Pottery class, making casual drinks easy to work in, and that’s all you’ve done three times in the last five weeks. He’s not interested in including you in more of his life, and you should be looking for someone who works with your schedule and interests as well.

You are making all the effort. Sure he responds when you text or email, but you always pick the place, set the day, and choose the time. Maybe he feels too guilty to decline, or maybe he’s not assertive, but if it persists without balance you should think about finding someone who broadens your horizons as well. Time to walk away.

Be honest. You don’t have to break up with him after one date, radio silence from either party should let the other know where they stand. If you go out on more dates than that and he continues to try to communicate with you even after you may have avoided setting another date, just be straightforward and tell him you’re not interested, or just don’t see it working.

He’ll appreciate it. And be honest with yourself, don’t make excuses for why it didn’t work and accept that it’s ok that it didn’t.

Dating is supposed to be about meeting new people and having fun; compromises are for commitment. Don’t spend time worrying about why a guy you barely know rejected you, or about hurting his feelings by telling the truth, save that energy and attention for the important relationships you already have with your family, friends, and coworkers and eventually you’ll find someone that won’t force you to guess how they feel.